a Prayer

"O Lord God,
Teach me to know that grace precedes, accompanies, and follows my salvation, that it sustains the redeemed soul, that no one link of its chain can ever break
From Calvary's cross wave upon wave of grace reaches me,
Deals with me sin, washes me clean
Renews my heart, strengthens my will
Draws out my affection, kindles a flame in my soul
Consecrates my every thought, word and work
Teaches me Thy immeasurable love.
How great are my privileges in Christ jesus
Without Him I stand far off, a stranger, an outcast;
In Him I draw near and touch His kinglly scepter;
Without Him I dare no lift my guilty eyes;
In Him I gaze upon my Father, God and Friend;
Without Him I hide my lips in trembling shame;
In Him I open my mouth with petition and praise;
Without Him all is wrath and consuming fire;
In Him is all love and repose of my soul;
Without Him is gaping hell below me and eternal anguish;
In Him its gates are barred to me by His precious blood;
Without Him darkness spreads its horrors in front;
In Him and eternaty of glory is my boundless horizon;
Without Him all within me is terror and dismay;
In Him every accusation is charmed into joy and peace;
Without Him all things external call for my condemnation;
In Him they minister to my comfort and are to be enjoyed with thanksgiving

Praise be to Thee for grace, and for the unspeakable gift of Jesus!"

Fear

"Shall I bring you to the point of birth and not give delivery?" says the Lord. " Or shall I who gives delivery shut the womb?" says your God. ~Isaiah 66:9

This verse gives me such hope. God is telling the nation of Israel that He would be faithful to her in her deliverance. He is promising that He who has brought them through the pains of childbirth (exile) will complete the good He is doing in their lives. He is reminding them of His faithfulness. The next few verses talk about the joy that Jerusalem will experience after their deliverance. This verse is at the end of the book of Isaiah as a promise following the proclimation of God's judgement. What a comfort these verses must have been to the nation.

And what a comfort this verse can be for me (no I am not at the point of birth, haha). I don't need to fear the hard times in my life, that WILL come, because I know that my God is faithful. He will bring me through difficulty to the joy of deliverance.

my mouth...

what an ugly thing that it is. When I am angry I can say some pretty ugly things. I don't mean to... and as soon as I say them I regret it. I used to feel traped in this world of snappy come backs and insults. My temper is one of the shortest that I know. But over the last few years I have seen God do an amazing work in my life. You might not realize this if you have only known me a year... But I snap slower now than I did before. The real test to all this is when I am at home with my family. How will I act then? I like to think that I am getting better. You would have to ask my siblings and parents for accurate information. But I know that I am quicker to apologize now than I used to be. The most amazing part of all this is that this is not due to my effort (in fact when I rely on my effort then I fail), this is truly a work of God in my life. I cannot tame my own tongue, but God can tame it for me. This is my prayer: God tame my tongue.

realizations

Today I looked out the window at school and thought that it looked like a college brochure that you would recieve in the mail. And I realized, once again, that I am indeed a student at the Moody Bible Institute. The reason that it looks like a college brochure is that it is college. Later on, as I was walking down the street to work I realized that I am 21, no longer a child in any sense. I realize things like this a lot.: I am actually preparing for ministry; doing what I have always wanted to do. How did I get here?

Realizations like this are very good for me. They make me think about who I am and what I value. In 1st Corinthians Paul talks about how as he became a man he put away his childish ways of thinking. His conclusion is that we ought to persue love. Not a childlike, selfish and selfsatisfying love, but a love that is what he descibes in the first half of the chapter. I have been thinking of this chapter and what Paul urges us to do in relation to the surrounding context (yeah: herminutics!) and how much that applies to what I am encountering here at Moody. The question of spiritual gifts and what has ceased is a topic that will never die. But here Paul is telling us to view the whole situation with mature, unselfish, and loving reasoning. I really don't know where I stand on this issue right now, but I am thinking about it more that I used to.

Another realization that I had was that I so often live on past learning. I don't know how to really explain, but often I will learn something really great or have a good conversation, and then for the next few days I feel like I can just ride that wave till I crash. the problem here is that I do crash. I realized that this is because I give myself 'time-off' and let my spirit become drained. In Revelations Jesus confronts the church at Sardis for living on a name that is alive while they remain dead. I do that to. Jesus calls the church to WAKE UP!! and I need to do that every day, every moment. Wake up Kjieri! stop living on your past glories and live for me today.

I like realizations... they are good for me.

struggles

I have been learning how to really struggle with things. I have never really doubted my faith, nor my salvation. But over the past year it has been so wonderful so really think through what I believe. It's funny because that is what I ased of God a little less than a year ago. And He gave it to me. I am more sure of what I believe and not afraid to talk through different theological issues now. I love the fact that there is more and more to learn about Christianity, that you never can fully understand God and how He works, but that you can always explore Him more. You can be content with where you are in your faith, or you can seek more. What a joy it is to grow. But it is also hard. I just finished Mere Christianity, in it C.S. Lewis talks about Christ rooting out our sin. That is painful stuff.

unsure

I am really new to the idea of blogging. For a long time I thought that blogging was just a narcissistic way of journaling. And very public journal at that. But I am beginning to see their value. So we will see how this goes.