wake up call

Why is it when you make a big decisions you immediately see the reasons you should not have chosen that way? I feel like I need wisdom majorly, and I need prayer, for many things. And I'm procrastinating. mhe. Welcome to November.

And yet, through my failings, difficulties, and troubles, I see the Lord's abundant blessing and kindness. He is using all this to draw me back to sweet fellowship with him.

One week till I leave for Thanksgiving! My feelings are a lot more mixed toward that right now. I'm definitely praying more about it. Lord willing, it will be a good time for everyone.

tears

Smith desk is a funny place. And being the Smith desk worker is an interesting position. You see, people forget you are here. All the couples that walk through the area totally ignore you. Some days I really like it, because I can sit here and gossip with myself about the different couples and their current status. Some days...it grinds on my nerves. The prolonged good-byes, the "call me when you get back to your room"s, the "I don't like that face. No I really like that face, I just don't like that you are upset right now"s, sometimes you just want them all to leave. But they don't because, to them, they are alone. And you do not exist. Cynicism is not always a healthy trait, I'm afraid.
I learned much this week. About being a part of a team. And learning through communication. There were days this week when I really did not like myself, or what I had done. Sometimes my pride, and lack of consideration for others pushes me to the point of tears. I cried four times this week. Because I took someone's trust and twisted it against them. Because I was hurt by someone. Because of my sin, and failure to change. Because a book grabbed my emotions and carried them where it wanted. My goodness, and I was not even PMS-ing.