Someone just called me and read me these verses and the spoke right to where I am. God's timing is amazing.
The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love Him with all your heart and with all your soul. It is the LORD your God you must follow, and Him you must revere. Keep His commands and obey Him; serve Him and hold fast to Him.
Deuteronomy 13:3-4
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
wake up call
Why is it when you make a big decisions you immediately see the reasons you should not have chosen that way? I feel like I need wisdom majorly, and I need prayer, for many things. And I'm procrastinating. mhe. Welcome to November.
And yet, through my failings, difficulties, and troubles, I see the Lord's abundant blessing and kindness. He is using all this to draw me back to sweet fellowship with him.
One week till I leave for Thanksgiving! My feelings are a lot more mixed toward that right now. I'm definitely praying more about it. Lord willing, it will be a good time for everyone.
And yet, through my failings, difficulties, and troubles, I see the Lord's abundant blessing and kindness. He is using all this to draw me back to sweet fellowship with him.
One week till I leave for Thanksgiving! My feelings are a lot more mixed toward that right now. I'm definitely praying more about it. Lord willing, it will be a good time for everyone.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
tears
Smith desk is a funny place. And being the Smith desk worker is an interesting position. You see, people forget you are here. All the couples that walk through the area totally ignore you. Some days I really like it, because I can sit here and gossip with myself about the different couples and their current status. Some days...it grinds on my nerves. The prolonged good-byes, the "call me when you get back to your room"s, the "I don't like that face. No I really like that face, I just don't like that you are upset right now"s, sometimes you just want them all to leave. But they don't because, to them, they are alone. And you do not exist. Cynicism is not always a healthy trait, I'm afraid.
I learned much this week. About being a part of a team. And learning through communication. There were days this week when I really did not like myself, or what I had done. Sometimes my pride, and lack of consideration for others pushes me to the point of tears. I cried four times this week. Because I took someone's trust and twisted it against them. Because I was hurt by someone. Because of my sin, and failure to change. Because a book grabbed my emotions and carried them where it wanted. My goodness, and I was not even PMS-ing.
I learned much this week. About being a part of a team. And learning through communication. There were days this week when I really did not like myself, or what I had done. Sometimes my pride, and lack of consideration for others pushes me to the point of tears. I cried four times this week. Because I took someone's trust and twisted it against them. Because I was hurt by someone. Because of my sin, and failure to change. Because a book grabbed my emotions and carried them where it wanted. My goodness, and I was not even PMS-ing.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
red-orange-purple-yellow-green-brown
Fall is such a beautiful time of year. I love the changing colors on the trees. As we drove around the Michigan countryside I found my eyes glued to the window. This is a beauty unexperienced in California. When I was little my grandma used to have me help her put together those 5000 piece jigsaw puzzles. I think I saw one of them today by the road. It makes you wonder why people travel out east during the summer months, when its hot, sticky, buggy, and miserable. Why not in the perfect cool of fall, when the hills are ablaze with color? Back in the day they had this figured out. School would be let out for the harvest and continue far into the summer. I wouldn't mind staying in school longer if I knew I could enjoy more fully these wonder days of fall.
We visited a apple orchard yesterday. This was per my request. I've alway had a certain affinity for apple orchards in the fall. It was wonderful! The only hard part was I am a pauper and could not buy any of the yummy looking apple foods. But we walked forever and almost got lost. That would have been pure bliss, to be lost in an apple orchard. And, we are going to make applesauce tomorrow! This will bring back warm feelings of my grandma.
In other news, homesickness is starting to roll heavier over me. It always starts getting worse in October, intensifying till we get to Christmas break. Pictures of siblings, smells that conjure up images of memories, and sounds that remind me of home, all my senses are joining in in this battle to not miss home too much. As great as it has been to be at Anna's house, being in someone else's home does not make me miss home less. Soon, these two months will pass, and I will be home! joy!
We visited a apple orchard yesterday. This was per my request. I've alway had a certain affinity for apple orchards in the fall. It was wonderful! The only hard part was I am a pauper and could not buy any of the yummy looking apple foods. But we walked forever and almost got lost. That would have been pure bliss, to be lost in an apple orchard. And, we are going to make applesauce tomorrow! This will bring back warm feelings of my grandma.
In other news, homesickness is starting to roll heavier over me. It always starts getting worse in October, intensifying till we get to Christmas break. Pictures of siblings, smells that conjure up images of memories, and sounds that remind me of home, all my senses are joining in in this battle to not miss home too much. As great as it has been to be at Anna's house, being in someone else's home does not make me miss home less. Soon, these two months will pass, and I will be home! joy!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Cookies, holes, and big hair
Monday was a weird day. I woke up from a full night's rest and had no desire to leave my bed. I'd like to blame the weather for my bad attitude. Rain, if you are not outside in rain-boots jumping in puddles, makes people depressed. So I saw the rain and was depressed. But the day was weirder than my attitude, something was just off. I cut a hole in my shirt, without realizing what I was doing...haha, silly girl. And then I made cookies and did not add enough flour, thankfully I realized that after only baking half of them. And my hair looked like it was from the 80s. Odd things like to happen all on the same day.
The day also ended weird. I went to informal practice expecting it to be a "Yay we had a great first show!" party. That was why I made cookies after all. Kelly also seemed to think that was the theme of the night, she brought brownies. So everything was set. Except for the fact that Monday was a weird day, and things don't happen as they are set to on weird days. Caleb is sick. He can't stay with informal. This was such shocking news to me. Maybe if I had eyes to see what other people were going through I could have known he was not feeling great. We are going to miss him, a lot. Caleb was a great leader, and a supportive team member. It'll suck to have him off the team. It was the right choice, he needs more time to rest and heal.
So, I'm glad Monday is over.
Yesterday in sys theo I realized that I need to be reading the Word more often. There is something about talking about the inerrancy, sufficiency, and illumination of scripture that makes you want to read it more than you do. The problem with my life is I've gotten so busy that important things, like my time with God, become less important to me. I need more accountability on this. Someone to ask me, "What are you learning from the Word right now?" But the blame does not rest with anyone but me. Thankfully I'm here at Bible school, and so I get wake-up calls all the time. My fear is that when I leave this place I'll become stagnant. Without being connected to the source I become a dried up spring, no good for anything.
The day also ended weird. I went to informal practice expecting it to be a "Yay we had a great first show!" party. That was why I made cookies after all. Kelly also seemed to think that was the theme of the night, she brought brownies. So everything was set. Except for the fact that Monday was a weird day, and things don't happen as they are set to on weird days. Caleb is sick. He can't stay with informal. This was such shocking news to me. Maybe if I had eyes to see what other people were going through I could have known he was not feeling great. We are going to miss him, a lot. Caleb was a great leader, and a supportive team member. It'll suck to have him off the team. It was the right choice, he needs more time to rest and heal.
So, I'm glad Monday is over.
Yesterday in sys theo I realized that I need to be reading the Word more often. There is something about talking about the inerrancy, sufficiency, and illumination of scripture that makes you want to read it more than you do. The problem with my life is I've gotten so busy that important things, like my time with God, become less important to me. I need more accountability on this. Someone to ask me, "What are you learning from the Word right now?" But the blame does not rest with anyone but me. Thankfully I'm here at Bible school, and so I get wake-up calls all the time. My fear is that when I leave this place I'll become stagnant. Without being connected to the source I become a dried up spring, no good for anything.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Do you keep a blog?
Melissa asked me that tonight, and the answer is not really. Sometimes the desire to write on here hits me. As you can tell, however, that the frequency of this is rare. We are now a month and a half into Moody. And Soren is just starting at U of C. Somehow that does not seem fair. This has been the craziest month of my life. Never have I felt the inadequacies of my frailty, nor the strength of His had holding me up, on such a consistent basis.
I bit off too much. That is really the long and the short of it. When I think about what fills my days I even wonder at how I'm keeping up. Yet, God has been faithful, and I keep up. In ways I am not preforming at 100% in everything. I let the ball drop with SMF this past month. Got caught in the daily details and forgot the vision. Thankfully my faithful Helper never lets me get to far off track, so He shook me up this week. We talked about it at exec and planned ways we can begin serving the students in a more complete way. We are launching a news update thingy this week. Terribly excited about that. I'm the president of the nerds after all (thank you Eddie). And we are going to try in a more active way to get current students connected with graduated, and serving students (know to most as alum). That was the vision we lost. But we have not wasted too much time, so the battle is not lost.
iNforMaL was last night! Best show ever! This is the part of my life where I feel the pleasure of God (Joe's analogy). There is such joy in bringing laughter into people's stress-filled lives. And to have the blessing of this position, being on such a great team, and this crazy gift from God, is almost too much to handle sometimes. I forget all the stress in my life at a show. The laughter of the crowd brings joy to me.
School. Yeah, this is why I am here after all. It is good. Great classes, that I'm keeping up with. From some perspective I could be putting more time into them. But I don't feel the need. I Love all my professors. Someone told me that junior year is the best, and they were right!
The boy is great. Pretty much. I suppose I should honor him more than calling him "the boy". Honestly, Eddie is the biggest blessing in my life. I'm continually impressed with his maturity and self-sacrifice. He is a man who is following after God, and that is so darn amazing! We are quickly approaching our sixth month mark. And he has become my dearest friend in the world. When I'm excited or stressed, he is the one to talk with. Because, somehow, he knows just what to say at all the right times. God has given him wisdom, which I am very grateful for. On here, it is impossible to explain the wonder of how God has matched our lives like puzzle pieces. But suffice to say, this is a good thing.
Everything else is falling into place. I wish I had more time for friends, and art projects, and a second job. My weeks are best described as a scream to a sigh. Saturday night- Thursday morning "AAAAAEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKgeHHHtchst!" Thursday-Saturday ahhh! and loop...
I bit off too much. That is really the long and the short of it. When I think about what fills my days I even wonder at how I'm keeping up. Yet, God has been faithful, and I keep up. In ways I am not preforming at 100% in everything. I let the ball drop with SMF this past month. Got caught in the daily details and forgot the vision. Thankfully my faithful Helper never lets me get to far off track, so He shook me up this week. We talked about it at exec and planned ways we can begin serving the students in a more complete way. We are launching a news update thingy this week. Terribly excited about that. I'm the president of the nerds after all (thank you Eddie). And we are going to try in a more active way to get current students connected with graduated, and serving students (know to most as alum). That was the vision we lost. But we have not wasted too much time, so the battle is not lost.
iNforMaL was last night! Best show ever! This is the part of my life where I feel the pleasure of God (Joe's analogy). There is such joy in bringing laughter into people's stress-filled lives. And to have the blessing of this position, being on such a great team, and this crazy gift from God, is almost too much to handle sometimes. I forget all the stress in my life at a show. The laughter of the crowd brings joy to me.
School. Yeah, this is why I am here after all. It is good. Great classes, that I'm keeping up with. From some perspective I could be putting more time into them. But I don't feel the need. I Love all my professors. Someone told me that junior year is the best, and they were right!
The boy is great. Pretty much. I suppose I should honor him more than calling him "the boy". Honestly, Eddie is the biggest blessing in my life. I'm continually impressed with his maturity and self-sacrifice. He is a man who is following after God, and that is so darn amazing! We are quickly approaching our sixth month mark. And he has become my dearest friend in the world. When I'm excited or stressed, he is the one to talk with. Because, somehow, he knows just what to say at all the right times. God has given him wisdom, which I am very grateful for. On here, it is impossible to explain the wonder of how God has matched our lives like puzzle pieces. But suffice to say, this is a good thing.
Everything else is falling into place. I wish I had more time for friends, and art projects, and a second job. My weeks are best described as a scream to a sigh. Saturday night- Thursday morning "AAAAAEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKgeHHHtchst!" Thursday-Saturday ahhh! and loop...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Struggle
i went to Russia and don't know what to say about it. Probably I need time to process all that happened there.
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