odd thoughts

This semester has been nothing of what I expected it to be. But I am having the time of my life. School probably hasn't been the highest priority (ha! I'm supposed to be writing two papers right now for systematic theology). But I'm getting to do more than I thought. I've spent much time with my brother, my sister, and my friends, and far too much money. I'm reforming now though. I promise.

You would think that Christians would expect God to answer their questions and requests more, considering what we believe about this God we love. Yet I'm always a little surprised when this happens. Like my cousin and I were talking about this one issue, and then the next day I read something in C.S. Lewis that eased some of the confusion. And then I was talking with a girl on my floor about some struggles we were having. The next night our professor spoke straight to those struggles. He is truly a God abundant with lovingkindness. Then there are little moments of grace. Just now I was falling asleep here at Houghton desk and I thought: "Wouldn't it be nice if I had 55 cents to buy a bag of chips?" I realized I could look in the couches for spare change...and I found 60 cents. Thank the Lord!

Homesickness is setting in much sooner than in past years. Its funny, here I am planning on living overseas for a lot of my life, and I can barely take four months apart from my family. Weak spirit. I love my family a lot. A lot. A lot.

2008

This has been quite a year. God has changed me so radically through the course of this year that I would hardly recognize the person I was in January. Then, at the same time, the core elements of who I am stay they same, unchanged as the years go by. As a feel and see to very many changes in my life, goals, and actions, I am more strengthened in who God has made me. Talking with one of my longest and dearest friends yesterday we realized that we both are just the same little ten-year-olds that had grown up and gotten smarter. That is the oddest thing about growing up, you change so very much, and yet you never really change. The "change" that occurs is mostly putting life lessons in your basket. And I have gathered my fair share of life lessons this year.

Leadership is a lot harder than you think: remember to stay focused on your vision and use your team.

Groups can change radically in just a few months: stick through hard times and be flexible to change.

God sometimes takes you through really rough times to break you of your will. This is good.

There are some areas of life where you will never see the results of your ministry. That is not an excuse to serve less.

Being Christ followers does not make friendships easier, as much as I think it should.

Your heart is more resilient than you might think.

Mentors come when you least expect it.

It is good to talk with your mom and friends about pain in your life.

Be faithful in little tasks, even if no big tasks come your way.

In a godly, and healthy, romantic relationship both people are supposed to be very in love with the other, and ready to give of themselves always.

An older sister is a precious gift, and living close to her is icing on the cake.

These are the major lessons I've learned in 2008. God has been so faithful to teach and mold me throughout this year. Never have I been more aware of His kind and loving hand guiding and protecting me life and practice. Never have I seen more vividly how my sinful actions and lack of faithfulness break my relationship with Him. I'm ready for 2009, what will is bring? The anticipation excites me...

not ready

I'm not ready to go back to school. Home is so good. Family is the most comfortable environment to be in. I like being able to cook, and play games, and have lively discussions with my family. As much as I like Moody Church it does not hold a candle to my home church, where I feel comfortable and loved. And the weather -! Don't even get me started. So beautiful. I guess a part of it is laziness, I like the lack of responsibility. But mostly its that I really like being home, with my family. Where I belong.

Home.

falling asleep on the couch.

staying in my pajamas all day.

baking with my sisters.

talking to mom.

hugs at my church from all the dear people.

driving back late at night from hanging out with friends.

looking up and seeing thousands of stars.

being hugged by Kolbjorn's never ending hugs.

laughing around the table after we finish diner.

rushing to get everyone out of the house on time.

having sleepovers with my sisters.

reading for pleasure.

its good to be home!

Words that Challenge

Someone just called me and read me these verses and the spoke right to where I am. God's timing is amazing.


The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love Him with all your heart and with all your soul. It is the LORD your God you must follow, and Him you must revere. Keep His commands and obey Him; serve Him and hold fast to Him.
Deuteronomy 13:3-4

wake up call

Why is it when you make a big decisions you immediately see the reasons you should not have chosen that way? I feel like I need wisdom majorly, and I need prayer, for many things. And I'm procrastinating. mhe. Welcome to November.

And yet, through my failings, difficulties, and troubles, I see the Lord's abundant blessing and kindness. He is using all this to draw me back to sweet fellowship with him.

One week till I leave for Thanksgiving! My feelings are a lot more mixed toward that right now. I'm definitely praying more about it. Lord willing, it will be a good time for everyone.

tears

Smith desk is a funny place. And being the Smith desk worker is an interesting position. You see, people forget you are here. All the couples that walk through the area totally ignore you. Some days I really like it, because I can sit here and gossip with myself about the different couples and their current status. Some days...it grinds on my nerves. The prolonged good-byes, the "call me when you get back to your room"s, the "I don't like that face. No I really like that face, I just don't like that you are upset right now"s, sometimes you just want them all to leave. But they don't because, to them, they are alone. And you do not exist. Cynicism is not always a healthy trait, I'm afraid.
I learned much this week. About being a part of a team. And learning through communication. There were days this week when I really did not like myself, or what I had done. Sometimes my pride, and lack of consideration for others pushes me to the point of tears. I cried four times this week. Because I took someone's trust and twisted it against them. Because I was hurt by someone. Because of my sin, and failure to change. Because a book grabbed my emotions and carried them where it wanted. My goodness, and I was not even PMS-ing.