Recently my older sister has been teaching me to drive a stick shift car. In reality this is just a relearning for me. My dad tried a few times, but almost always as soon as I got behind the wheel there was a ton of traffic and sudden hills. So shifting became almost impossible. And then, as with most dads when their daughters are about to wreck their cars, my dad would yell out in frustration. This was not very conducive to learning. So my skills in this area are lacking. Needless to say, I feel incomplete. Without this vital skill I will never be able to compete on the AMAZING RACE or drive anywhere other than the US.
Solution: My older sister, who is much more patient, and a worse driver than me, will teach me. So the lessons begin. And I find that I'm not very bad at this shifting thing. Except for one major shift: from Neutral to First. You see, at neutral the car is not moving, just waiting (at stop lights and such). In order to shift in to first you must both push in the clutch and the gas at equal speeds, thus shifting and getting the car in motion at the same time. This is hard. I'm not very good at it. The car jerks and lurches and shakes and jumps and then finally we're in motion. Once I'm moving I have no problems shifting from gear to gear. Its that initial shift that kills me every time. Neutral is hard to get out of.
I'm in neutral right now. Which feels odd because for the past few months I've been flying down the freeway, shifting away as the need arose. Then came Spring Break, and I had to really slow down, even stop at a few red lights. Now I'm sitting here in neutral and not wanting to go through that who shaky process of getting moving again. I like neutral, or I like speeding away. Its the getting on the move that kills me.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
bumbling
Sometimes I feel like a bumbling idiot. And I'm pretty sure these feelings are accurate. Thank goodness for the graciousness of dear friends. And that my Savior specializes in saving bumbling idiots.
This past year has been momentous. Katrina says that some years are just that way, and that some years pass with nothing big happening in them. I was thinking about the amount of stuff my God has brought me through when I was up at winter camp a few weeks ago. Its hard to imagine the woman I was one year ago. I know Him more. In Russia He became my closest friend again. Then when I got back I de-seated Him as best friend. Life was distracting. I was happy, and didn't need Him anymore. As a result I treated dear friends and acquaintances with contempt. Because I was cool and on the top of my game. Jesus finally brought me around. We are close again. Then last night some of that rudeness that plagues my flesh crept into my mindset and actions. But God is faithful and worked me through a lot of that today. When the fear of man creeps into your mindset you begin to treat some men as gods and some men as scum. Neither is right. In fact, both are sinful. Thank the Lord for His goodness, and that he always draws me back. I love you Lord. Make me live for you. Everyday. Thank you for your love.
This past year has been momentous. Katrina says that some years are just that way, and that some years pass with nothing big happening in them. I was thinking about the amount of stuff my God has brought me through when I was up at winter camp a few weeks ago. Its hard to imagine the woman I was one year ago. I know Him more. In Russia He became my closest friend again. Then when I got back I de-seated Him as best friend. Life was distracting. I was happy, and didn't need Him anymore. As a result I treated dear friends and acquaintances with contempt. Because I was cool and on the top of my game. Jesus finally brought me around. We are close again. Then last night some of that rudeness that plagues my flesh crept into my mindset and actions. But God is faithful and worked me through a lot of that today. When the fear of man creeps into your mindset you begin to treat some men as gods and some men as scum. Neither is right. In fact, both are sinful. Thank the Lord for His goodness, and that he always draws me back. I love you Lord. Make me live for you. Everyday. Thank you for your love.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
family
I miss my family.
Dad, he just turned 50 and is the best dad in the world. I love his humor and his passion for the Lord and His Word. My dad is amazingly strong and there is nothing he can't do. I love it when my dad is happy.
Mom, I have never known someone who has sacrificed so much for her kids. My mom's life is so dedicated to us it is amazing. She is also really smart and taught each of us to think for ourselves. My mom loves the Lord with her whole heart and lives to please him.
And the rest:
Katrina and Ash, they have been my life support here in Chicago. I never feel to far from family as long as they are around. They have both gone out of their way MANY times to help me out, I'm unendingly grateful!
Soren, my brother the genius. I love reading the different thoughts he writes down and am always impressed with his mind. God has also kept him faithful to Himself, and he is trying to be a witness at his school.
Jorgen, I have loved watching this boy mature in the past few years. I have seen him make his faith his own, experience the rejection of men, and come out desiring to serve God even more. He is quickly becoming a man.
Anneliise, goodness, she is so beautiful! Inside and out this girl has a wonderful nature. I love her love for God and her love for people.
Brigitta, my precious little sister. Such a sweetie! This girl can serve like nobody's business, and her creativity amazes me.
Kolbjorn, he has the most imagination and energy of any little boy I've met. Unfortunately he is now disobeying me and growing up. Pretty soon he won't be a little boy.
Torstien, its never easy to carry the load of youngest, Torstien does it well. He is so smart and very competitive. He is also a great cuddle bug, and a wonderful actor.
...and I miss them a lot right now.
Dad, he just turned 50 and is the best dad in the world. I love his humor and his passion for the Lord and His Word. My dad is amazingly strong and there is nothing he can't do. I love it when my dad is happy.
Mom, I have never known someone who has sacrificed so much for her kids. My mom's life is so dedicated to us it is amazing. She is also really smart and taught each of us to think for ourselves. My mom loves the Lord with her whole heart and lives to please him.
And the rest:
Katrina and Ash, they have been my life support here in Chicago. I never feel to far from family as long as they are around. They have both gone out of their way MANY times to help me out, I'm unendingly grateful!
Soren, my brother the genius. I love reading the different thoughts he writes down and am always impressed with his mind. God has also kept him faithful to Himself, and he is trying to be a witness at his school.
Jorgen, I have loved watching this boy mature in the past few years. I have seen him make his faith his own, experience the rejection of men, and come out desiring to serve God even more. He is quickly becoming a man.
Anneliise, goodness, she is so beautiful! Inside and out this girl has a wonderful nature. I love her love for God and her love for people.
Brigitta, my precious little sister. Such a sweetie! This girl can serve like nobody's business, and her creativity amazes me.
Kolbjorn, he has the most imagination and energy of any little boy I've met. Unfortunately he is now disobeying me and growing up. Pretty soon he won't be a little boy.
Torstien, its never easy to carry the load of youngest, Torstien does it well. He is so smart and very competitive. He is also a great cuddle bug, and a wonderful actor.
...and I miss them a lot right now.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Anne Bradstreet
I love these poems!
The Flesh and the Spirit
In secret place where once I stood
Close by the Banks of Lacrim flood,
I heard two sisters reason on
Things that are past and things to come.
One Flesh was call'd, who had her eye
On worldly wealth and vanity;
The other Spirit, who did rear
Her thoughts unto a higher sphere.
"Sister," quoth Flesh, "what liv'st thou on
Nothing but Meditation?
Doth Contemplation feed thee so
Regardlessly to let earth go?
Can Speculation satisfy
Notion without Reality?
Dost dream of things beyond the Moon
And dost thou hope to dwell there soon?
Hast treasures there laid up in store
That all in th' world thou count'st but poor?
Art fancy-sick or turn'd a Sot
To catch at shadows which are not?
Come, come. I'll show unto thy sense,
Industry hath its recompence.
What canst desire, but thou maist see
True substance in variety?
Dost honour like? Acquire the same,
As some to their immortal fame;
And trophies to thy name erect
Which wearing time shall ne'er deject.
For riches dost thou long full sore?
Behold enough of precious store.
Earth hath more silver, pearls, and gold
Than eyes can see or hands can hold.
Affects thou pleasure? Take thy fill.
Earth hath enough of what you will.
Then let not go what thou maist find
For things unknown only in mind."
Spirit.
"Be still, thou unregenerate part,
Disturb no more my settled heart,
For I have vow'd (and so will do)
Thee as a foe still to pursue,
And combat with thee will and must
Until I see thee laid in th' dust.
Sister we are, yea twins we be,
Yet deadly feud 'twixt thee and me,
For from one father are we not.
Thou by old Adam wast begot,
But my arise is from above,
Whence my dear father I do love.
Thou speak'st me fair but hat'st me sore.
Thy flatt'ring shews I'll trust no more.
How oft thy slave hast thou me made
When I believ'd what thou hast said
And never had more cause of woe
Than when I did what thou bad'st do.
I'll stop mine ears at these thy charms
And count them for my deadly harms.
Thy sinful pleasures I do hate,
Thy riches are to me no bait.
Thine honours do, nor will I love,
For my ambition lies above.
My greatest honour it shall be
When I am victor over thee,
And Triumph shall, with laurel head,
When thou my Captive shalt be led.
How I do live, thou need'st not scoff,
For I have meat thou know'st not of.
The hidden MAnnea I do eat;
The word of life, it is my meat.
My thoughts do yield me more content
Than can thy hours in pleasure spent.
Nor are they shadows which I catch,
Nor fancies vain at which I snatch
But reach at things that are so high,
Beyond thy dull Capacity.
Eternal substance I do see
With which inriched I would be.
Mine eye doth pierce the heav'ns and see
What is Invisible to thee.
My garments are not silk nor gold,
Nor such like trash which Earth doth hold,
But Royal Robes I shall have on,
More glorious than the glist'ring Sun.
My Crown not Diamonds, Pearls, and gold,
But such as Angels' heads infold.
The City where I hope to dwell,
There's none on Earth can parallel.
The stately Walls both high and trong
Are made of precious Jasper stone,
The Gates of Pearl, both rich and clear,
And Angels are for Porters there.
The Streets thereof transparent gold
Such as no Eye did e're behold.
A Crystal River there doth run
Which doth proceed from the Lamb's Throne.
Of Life, there are the waters sure
Which shall remain forever pure.
Nor Sun nor Moon they have no need
For glory doth from God proceed.
No Candle there, nor yet Torch light,
For there shall be no darksome night.
From sickness and infirmity
Forevermore they shall be free.
Nor withering age shall e're come there,
But beauty shall be bright and clear.
This City pure is not for thee,
For things unclean there shall not be.
If I of Heav'n may have my fill,
Take thou the world, and all that will."
By Night when Others Soundly Slept
By night when others soundly slept
And hath at once both ease and Rest,
My waking eyes were open kept
And so to lie I found it best.
I sought him whom my Soul did Love,
With tears I sought him earnestly.
He bow'd his ear down from Above.
In vain I did not seek or cry.
My hungry Soul he fill'd with Good;
He in his Bottle put my tears,
My smarting wounds washt in his blood,
And banisht thence my Doubts and fears.
What to my Saviour shall I give
Who freely hath done this for me?
I'll serve him here whilst I shall live
And Loue him to Eternity.
The Flesh and the Spirit
In secret place where once I stood
Close by the Banks of Lacrim flood,
I heard two sisters reason on
Things that are past and things to come.
One Flesh was call'd, who had her eye
On worldly wealth and vanity;
The other Spirit, who did rear
Her thoughts unto a higher sphere.
"Sister," quoth Flesh, "what liv'st thou on
Nothing but Meditation?
Doth Contemplation feed thee so
Regardlessly to let earth go?
Can Speculation satisfy
Notion without Reality?
Dost dream of things beyond the Moon
And dost thou hope to dwell there soon?
Hast treasures there laid up in store
That all in th' world thou count'st but poor?
Art fancy-sick or turn'd a Sot
To catch at shadows which are not?
Come, come. I'll show unto thy sense,
Industry hath its recompence.
What canst desire, but thou maist see
True substance in variety?
Dost honour like? Acquire the same,
As some to their immortal fame;
And trophies to thy name erect
Which wearing time shall ne'er deject.
For riches dost thou long full sore?
Behold enough of precious store.
Earth hath more silver, pearls, and gold
Than eyes can see or hands can hold.
Affects thou pleasure? Take thy fill.
Earth hath enough of what you will.
Then let not go what thou maist find
For things unknown only in mind."
Spirit.
"Be still, thou unregenerate part,
Disturb no more my settled heart,
For I have vow'd (and so will do)
Thee as a foe still to pursue,
And combat with thee will and must
Until I see thee laid in th' dust.
Sister we are, yea twins we be,
Yet deadly feud 'twixt thee and me,
For from one father are we not.
Thou by old Adam wast begot,
But my arise is from above,
Whence my dear father I do love.
Thou speak'st me fair but hat'st me sore.
Thy flatt'ring shews I'll trust no more.
How oft thy slave hast thou me made
When I believ'd what thou hast said
And never had more cause of woe
Than when I did what thou bad'st do.
I'll stop mine ears at these thy charms
And count them for my deadly harms.
Thy sinful pleasures I do hate,
Thy riches are to me no bait.
Thine honours do, nor will I love,
For my ambition lies above.
My greatest honour it shall be
When I am victor over thee,
And Triumph shall, with laurel head,
When thou my Captive shalt be led.
How I do live, thou need'st not scoff,
For I have meat thou know'st not of.
The hidden MAnnea I do eat;
The word of life, it is my meat.
My thoughts do yield me more content
Than can thy hours in pleasure spent.
Nor are they shadows which I catch,
Nor fancies vain at which I snatch
But reach at things that are so high,
Beyond thy dull Capacity.
Eternal substance I do see
With which inriched I would be.
Mine eye doth pierce the heav'ns and see
What is Invisible to thee.
My garments are not silk nor gold,
Nor such like trash which Earth doth hold,
But Royal Robes I shall have on,
More glorious than the glist'ring Sun.
My Crown not Diamonds, Pearls, and gold,
But such as Angels' heads infold.
The City where I hope to dwell,
There's none on Earth can parallel.
The stately Walls both high and trong
Are made of precious Jasper stone,
The Gates of Pearl, both rich and clear,
And Angels are for Porters there.
The Streets thereof transparent gold
Such as no Eye did e're behold.
A Crystal River there doth run
Which doth proceed from the Lamb's Throne.
Of Life, there are the waters sure
Which shall remain forever pure.
Nor Sun nor Moon they have no need
For glory doth from God proceed.
No Candle there, nor yet Torch light,
For there shall be no darksome night.
From sickness and infirmity
Forevermore they shall be free.
Nor withering age shall e're come there,
But beauty shall be bright and clear.
This City pure is not for thee,
For things unclean there shall not be.
If I of Heav'n may have my fill,
Take thou the world, and all that will."
By Night when Others Soundly Slept
By night when others soundly slept
And hath at once both ease and Rest,
My waking eyes were open kept
And so to lie I found it best.
I sought him whom my Soul did Love,
With tears I sought him earnestly.
He bow'd his ear down from Above.
In vain I did not seek or cry.
My hungry Soul he fill'd with Good;
He in his Bottle put my tears,
My smarting wounds washt in his blood,
And banisht thence my Doubts and fears.
What to my Saviour shall I give
Who freely hath done this for me?
I'll serve him here whilst I shall live
And Loue him to Eternity.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
odd thoughts
This semester has been nothing of what I expected it to be. But I am having the time of my life. School probably hasn't been the highest priority (ha! I'm supposed to be writing two papers right now for systematic theology). But I'm getting to do more than I thought. I've spent much time with my brother, my sister, and my friends, and far too much money. I'm reforming now though. I promise.
You would think that Christians would expect God to answer their questions and requests more, considering what we believe about this God we love. Yet I'm always a little surprised when this happens. Like my cousin and I were talking about this one issue, and then the next day I read something in C.S. Lewis that eased some of the confusion. And then I was talking with a girl on my floor about some struggles we were having. The next night our professor spoke straight to those struggles. He is truly a God abundant with lovingkindness. Then there are little moments of grace. Just now I was falling asleep here at Houghton desk and I thought: "Wouldn't it be nice if I had 55 cents to buy a bag of chips?" I realized I could look in the couches for spare change...and I found 60 cents. Thank the Lord!
Homesickness is setting in much sooner than in past years. Its funny, here I am planning on living overseas for a lot of my life, and I can barely take four months apart from my family. Weak spirit. I love my family a lot. A lot. A lot.
You would think that Christians would expect God to answer their questions and requests more, considering what we believe about this God we love. Yet I'm always a little surprised when this happens. Like my cousin and I were talking about this one issue, and then the next day I read something in C.S. Lewis that eased some of the confusion. And then I was talking with a girl on my floor about some struggles we were having. The next night our professor spoke straight to those struggles. He is truly a God abundant with lovingkindness. Then there are little moments of grace. Just now I was falling asleep here at Houghton desk and I thought: "Wouldn't it be nice if I had 55 cents to buy a bag of chips?" I realized I could look in the couches for spare change...and I found 60 cents. Thank the Lord!
Homesickness is setting in much sooner than in past years. Its funny, here I am planning on living overseas for a lot of my life, and I can barely take four months apart from my family. Weak spirit. I love my family a lot. A lot. A lot.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008
This has been quite a year. God has changed me so radically through the course of this year that I would hardly recognize the person I was in January. Then, at the same time, the core elements of who I am stay they same, unchanged as the years go by. As a feel and see to very many changes in my life, goals, and actions, I am more strengthened in who God has made me. Talking with one of my longest and dearest friends yesterday we realized that we both are just the same little ten-year-olds that had grown up and gotten smarter. That is the oddest thing about growing up, you change so very much, and yet you never really change. The "change" that occurs is mostly putting life lessons in your basket. And I have gathered my fair share of life lessons this year.
Leadership is a lot harder than you think: remember to stay focused on your vision and use your team.
Groups can change radically in just a few months: stick through hard times and be flexible to change.
God sometimes takes you through really rough times to break you of your will. This is good.
There are some areas of life where you will never see the results of your ministry. That is not an excuse to serve less.
Being Christ followers does not make friendships easier, as much as I think it should.
Your heart is more resilient than you might think.
Mentors come when you least expect it.
It is good to talk with your mom and friends about pain in your life.
Be faithful in little tasks, even if no big tasks come your way.
In a godly, and healthy, romantic relationship both people are supposed to be very in love with the other, and ready to give of themselves always.
An older sister is a precious gift, and living close to her is icing on the cake.
These are the major lessons I've learned in 2008. God has been so faithful to teach and mold me throughout this year. Never have I been more aware of His kind and loving hand guiding and protecting me life and practice. Never have I seen more vividly how my sinful actions and lack of faithfulness break my relationship with Him. I'm ready for 2009, what will is bring? The anticipation excites me...
Leadership is a lot harder than you think: remember to stay focused on your vision and use your team.
Groups can change radically in just a few months: stick through hard times and be flexible to change.
God sometimes takes you through really rough times to break you of your will. This is good.
There are some areas of life where you will never see the results of your ministry. That is not an excuse to serve less.
Being Christ followers does not make friendships easier, as much as I think it should.
Your heart is more resilient than you might think.
Mentors come when you least expect it.
It is good to talk with your mom and friends about pain in your life.
Be faithful in little tasks, even if no big tasks come your way.
In a godly, and healthy, romantic relationship both people are supposed to be very in love with the other, and ready to give of themselves always.
An older sister is a precious gift, and living close to her is icing on the cake.
These are the major lessons I've learned in 2008. God has been so faithful to teach and mold me throughout this year. Never have I been more aware of His kind and loving hand guiding and protecting me life and practice. Never have I seen more vividly how my sinful actions and lack of faithfulness break my relationship with Him. I'm ready for 2009, what will is bring? The anticipation excites me...
Monday, December 29, 2008
not ready
I'm not ready to go back to school. Home is so good. Family is the most comfortable environment to be in. I like being able to cook, and play games, and have lively discussions with my family. As much as I like Moody Church it does not hold a candle to my home church, where I feel comfortable and loved. And the weather -! Don't even get me started. So beautiful. I guess a part of it is laziness, I like the lack of responsibility. But mostly its that I really like being home, with my family. Where I belong.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)